That part of the body 18
living in Hainan last year and a half, I thought of the conflict and to consider the meaning of life, much more complex than the above. In the nineties, inspired by humanism to give up business position, willing to take the risk of poor life into culture, and not rare. but I know that is extremely rare, and can not be understood by man.
when I left, totally low-key. boss no further stay, nor I left the company announced that, everything is just a long bad trip like. I have kept my promise, my deposits transferred to the Finance Department, as my temporary loan company money. until the last day of the temporary work , the staff are also frequently consult the work to me. yes ah, many years I have is the soul of the company, is the machine spindle, all one can imagine, not me, how to run the office. Last night, I sat villa balcony, listening to the note of banana leaves rustle in the dark sounds, for a long time can not sleep.
next morning, I just told the driver to take me, his simple and honest man of few words with me for many years, this times seems to have realized what was depressed along the way. at the airport, checked luggage finished, I told him unless he asked: What back? I said: can not say the. He paused and finally asked one: vice president What you do not you? I suddenly some sad, and shook his hand: brother, back to it!
determined with near-tragic situation must, I flew to Beijing. I know that this time is a purification families, and future are more unpredictable Department. I have all the wealth, the only general hot fire heart a humanist faith.
but never expected that I was in Beijing less than a month, it plunged into despair . not to mention achieving the ideal of humanism, even accommodating my every inch of land is very difficult to sustain found.
here need to introduce my two friends in Beijing, the old black and white and old. They are my 80 years know that time is similar to the literature with young people. I am in Shenzhen in the south before the trial has been way to Beijing with the two because of the close. The two men could be said to be \At that time we have had some trouble, trying to use literature for meals. we were still alive to the great poet Ai unparalleled, Feng Duxiu have had the creative career seminars, also paid respects to endure over the door leading adult magazine editor. I am the south after contact with them has never been off. I like a duck in Hainan, they are still floating in Beijing desperately, to stick to the Capital of Culture kicked the door. both in the old black and I go closer to each time to go to Beijing on business, they would want to see him, and try their best to provide him with what I know to make a living with the cultural clues. to the late nineties, the situation has changed, the two suddenly erupted. old black registered a company, playing a number of asset restructuring, the Hebei were dying a death of state assets to be put under the name of the old mine, which have become a billionaire boss. old white newspaper pages from the contract start, and then do the book, bought television advertising time, gains a lot on, as if also a little rich.
before I decided to go to Beijing, they would have several times on the phone asked me to go to this grand plan. then we are staying in the unit filed a single dorm room, through the night with bed and talk about past events, are numerous boo sob. the old White said: You come, I just contracted for a cultural magazine, you come when the editor, we engaged him a China Times. Old Black wrote: You should have years, mixed in the south of what I here, though not much money, including room and board under the buddy is not a problem child. you and me who and who? Tomorrow I go to Fangzhuang district, you rent a house along the piano, nothing you play the piano it. old old black and white commitment to two things, I repeated to verify the phone with them, until I think that even if 50 percent of the water inside, the situation will not have too bad, I was under the last determination.
I was under the actual bet is too risky. I totally underestimated one steeped in Beijing for many years, the legacy of the degree of contamination of the Eight Banners. a camel is not that cow, mouth running train, that is, this most image view. Second, completely underestimated the transformation of business ethics of the people, any one of them, are no longer quite the year's literary youth of the blood spirit. actually happened to me brings stabbing biting, to Today, too many are reluctant to mention. brief is: old white down Time magazine has not even talk, and even on down, he also only a small share, not about the right personnel. I went to Beijing from date, have not seen this magazine editorial door looks like. Old Black took a very strange, I received an Award to hotels, said: This boss is Zan buddy child, you lived before, I have paid Housing half the money gone you let him find me. Fangzhuang of that house, hey, I have a problem with this two-day turnaround, you stretch a while first child. and then two on no trace of the. old White said he is stepping \.
body of the 19
I started not aware of the potential crisis, even though I may be 10,000 kinds of pre-conceived, will never think of a situation. the first few days, I coasted Tour Zai to visit family worship around friends, sometimes to return visit, take a look at 80 years old and lived place. Ten years on, people have changed the feeling is very strong. more deeply impressed me is that my article beginning of the children referred to the sister who, she called Pantene. then just a fledgling newspaper reporter, came to Oxford to Akira the flash, after returning home and began a good business, where specialized training CEO. now has been quite well-known, Even if a large group of veterans in front of her, but also with an open mind Lingjiao. Pantene early years is cooling off Xiu appearance of a female student, now has become very capable and adroit business seems to have her finger. She is now all in the year ahead, a wife and mother, luxury villa, under the set of home, opened his BMW car, most of our time lucky person. Pantene one day invited me to dinner, and brought to renew old friendships during which she had a word I have forget. is my first courtesy of the sentence: now you are busy people. Pantene, saying softly: No, have to socialize after work. are international business are not always bad. I asked: Events a lot? She shook her head: General, I will not go. wants more people contact me, I said to them, not open-Benz, do not come to me. I could not help Yizheng, Pantene laughed and said: You, of course different, we always have a common language and literature I would like to chat with you. I cried: Pantene, ah, we are two classes of people. Pantene said: What class? I do not think so. not Mercedes, does not in a grade, children can not talk. about the purpose of my visit, Pantene envy: its cultural, writing, and more good! I still can not stop, but I am doing now are rest assured for the future writing. I said: OK, but not much writing the material basis should ah. Pantene slightly then said: O man, and it's stuck atop, I can not imagine how live by more than one thousand dollars. bid farewell to the Pantene, I thinking, in our era, like her lucky man to have the number?
my hotel window in Yongdingmen countless number of trains, to the old Bust numerous telephone calls. answer is always: again waiting waiting, fast friends. old black like an old mine in Hebei did not always back off when the phone open, not easy to contact. One day I came back from the outside, called the waiter opened the door. attendants said that you expired early this room, we veterans say , not his words, can not open the door. I hit the hotel boss's cell phone, asked him: What do you mean? thrust me to go? thrust I have to let me come up with something, come here. Hotel bosses said: did not mean it. Old Black only paid 10 days of house money, this person will not show up, how's going on ah? my hotel is turned over to the profit target, a long time and I can not stand, you still Cuicui it. doors will open soon can morrow, how do? I gave the old black phone, cell phone off. to call the old white, old white said: how do the old black this thing, and so I told him he came back bumper, you re-Ren Ren . I hung up the machine, see themselves as falling into a trap. two friends, who will not have the status I was responsible. but I can not understand, being the case, why did warmly invited me to come? Do not speak is through the brain? or they simply want me to see them in today's fortune, even if finished?
That night I thought a lot, if Hainan boss always ears: You're crazy, friends, you can reliable ? Yes ah, my disposable business people and writers, is such an end, the problem lie?
next morning, I went Yongding Gate Bridge, looking at the work of the car and the passenger, finally understand: in this one million people in the city, I have been abandoned, no one can help me again. I gave up the company, actually gave up my fight to survive in a seat. It is not about morality, just a fact of life. Now, My feet no longer have that piece of solid land. I am standing on the sand, the sand at any time should I swallowed, can save me, only my own, only my will and seven feet of the footer. on the culture the worship, because I mixed a long time in the business generated an illusion. culture is not so good is one thing, but like me, ignore the question of survival, the future on top of their faith in the so-called friendship is the inexcusable naive.
body 20 and Pantene
when I chat, the number of laid-back attitude also with something. A few days later, I truly see their situation, know their naked to withstand wind and rain filled the air. desperate to draw in my heart a kind of primitive to survive. In the Yongding Gate Bridge, I knew I was a huge urban social rejection by the people, must make a decision within one day, I how to do?
when after all the thing of the past, when I describe here all the time quietly, may be cool-headed analysis, I had the choice of which gains and losses. But among the living in cyclone, each step or health, or death, how can a person fully rational thinking? everything under the original conditions, I can almost rely on instinct in action.
, of course, can also say that I was not yet in Miao no trace of the island. I can tell the truth to the boss, go back to the old place. I can also help to Pantene, first get a breathing space. may seem today, these two approaches is the wise, But at the time I just would not do it. to self-esteem, and to respect others. I of course became a loser overnight, but I will not give leave a capricious boss villain image. I know, I am deeply deeply hurt his heart, I suffered bad luck is my punishment. on the Pantene, to be more complex. Over the years, we respect each other. I always feel that she to me, more like a mature The Linjiaxiaomei, a long-lost high school old friends. a kind of mutual trust with no impurity to our hearts Yuntie. circle around her disdain for some of her great, but I kept the spirit of equality. I treasure the This transcends the utilitarian friendship. I was simply not thought of her hand to borrow money, or anything attached to her and make a fortune playing the idea. The reason why, in addition to self-esteem than, then I think the most important is perhaps to In such a pure heart to keep it.
this way, I began to experience the kind of the beginning of this article. handlebar from Andingmen play underground stuff shipped to Song Yuli, I counted the money in your pocket, only one more than 1000 a little. Hainan phone card costs caused by running out soon, I stopped the phone. From that day on, the familiar people who have can not find me.
I have only one remaining idea: to find a job. time is after the Spring Festival, is not a good time for job seekers. I stay in Beijing, this time as two months, because I rely on this money can only be maintained until late April. In If within two months of nothing, then it can only bow to fate, do what you want to do something.
the first time I feel that the fate of the opportunity given to how the poor less. This world is always the rich richer the poor get poorer. \print, to buy newspapers to find information Necessary to Play telephones employing unit required to ask. these things in the past in the company, I was simply not in the concept of money. Today, that is, spending so little, let me cut out the same pain as the heart. I can only maintain a surface calm, all the time inside the heart badly. looking at the basement of the gray crowd, I think, I'm only a few days of this life, and those who man, put the years so get over it. What is it that keeps them able to live a normal life as such a non-normal day has come? that there is no hope in life you can be in life?
exhausted to run A few days later, I quickly realized the grim situation: the people my age are being expelled from the social mainstream in batches. there is no perfect degree, no computer skills, there is no good three-year-old age, like in the triumph commercial society to find a place even the most humble, but also dream. I've been to several magazines, has written a number of books handed to the planning, some smart or stupid I received the office of director. I see is amazing and compassion. look around the office that the magazine dark and broken tables and chairs, I could not help think of my company in Hainan, the situation is absurd that holds many lessons: I was left to the dignity of the spirit of Hainan, but why go far away This run-down look at where people face? what is the natural reason to bear this humiliation? Is someone forcing you I do less? \Now who could come to help me get rid of the plight of the basic survival? I like the shrimp Lu Xun said, was thrown into the boiling water, the outcome was only being burnt to death alive.
back of the President, you made me do not light ! you can now move about Death-year-old, so that the words of some anger is not have to pay a price. who in good faith if you just listen to the appeal, leaving the \your masterpiece, now help me What is it? reality more convincing than a stack of programs, I am not unable to endure the hardships of the environment, I can not stand is that this helpless cold!
body of 21
it ran off more than a week later, I realized that, run down would be futile. is nothing more than to see a few more cold face, put up several times more impatient looks of contempt. day back from Panjiayuan station Under the car, walked back to Song Yuli's Road, but only two kilometers, (...) , it was a long hard road asphalt was no end. If the day be back in warm home, no matter how complicated it may play a rush would vanish. However, the I can only cold cells to hell. sunny outside, but you can not find a resting place. basement can settle your body, but the four-block wall with no window of hope for all separated in the outside.
week later, I finally stopped running, from a state of pique calm down. I ran a careful analysis of the several places, reached a conclusion: If I can be universally appreciated , then run 10 units and 100 units run effect is the same. If I really become a 100 without a use of scrap, I just ran up the 100 units are useless. I ran across a few places, is selected, the greatest likelihood of success. but can be hired, it is too variable, even, even those in charge can be good or bad mood that day decide my fate. \Liza Wang's Cantonese pop songs have been sung for over ten years, and today, I think it is the truth of the millennium is not easy.
all of the places did not refuse me, also no response. I told the Lu flowers, all my phone must immediately call me, I will not, we will certainly have to consult each other is. However, in Beijing, this huge deep pools, as a result of my up and it will never be a ripple. I gradually calmed down, as the sentence was later of death. a strange peace from the bottom of my heart float. Every day, I do not expect that will not know where to call the help number. this huge city, you will, this evening, scroll bar, noisy bar! I, a tired and aging of the outsiders, creeping in your underground, is slowly eroded, until death.
I think, dead, and indeed it is the case. the dying man, but also than that more desperate or more pain? a refined person said that big break in life, there is little rest, death is the big break. my life too much time to run, and today had a good rest. noon warm spring sunshine in the quiet little street in Song Yuli, I walked slowly on the sidewalk, looked at from the side hurried primary and secondary students. life is just blooming in their possession, they do not think of a few decades, will have the same fate befall them on the senescence of the body. they go forward with great interest the world is in front of them. I lag behind them, I have depleted http://www.4uaf.com , the world is a very distant past behind me. all longing and joy, turned into the dust away.
front of a shopping mall. next to a small Xinhua Bookstore. I walk go. bookshelves, a row of hard copy of foreign literary works. My hand slowly stroked their smooth spine. a title of a kind familiar to jump into the eyes. They are old friends, old acquaintances of my spirit. my heart with their hellos: Hey, you okay? my hand stopped at the Goethe's \rush the line, missed some good scenery. us forward, so far fruitless, but you will never miss such a good picture can not reproduce. Now I can rest, I have to do is always too late to do that. I draw \To look at, Dr. Faust who childlike soul mortgaged to what kind of Meifeisite?
back to residential yard, sat down on the stone bench, knees stood thick and heavy The \go. how many years ago, I had such a life, who have had such a carefree laugh. when the sun is so bright? A distant pre-school children never ran beside her grandmother, sitting next to me , along with the unique hand holding a color pictures books. She very carefully read in over and over again: \long time, I heard the little girl asked me in on: \read it, read it. \head: \wait \I am longing for that day come early, they want it to slow down the arrival of the best. This ambivalence, I can not clear. supporting me through it, I will do two things every day: see \\now considered to be 36 years old. She married a man, gave birth to a son, still a \she gave me the same feeling. She told Seiitsu, I think, now matter if the public speak out. the name, I sometimes utterly still call it the night in the heart. when we are together, I gave her photo a lot of photos, leaving her the most beautiful moment. in my bed framed trimmed, is the year in Shenzhen Bay, a small lawn under license. tropical afternoon sun, palm trees, Seiitsu hair and smile now seem to be a picture of heaven. when we hand in hand along a row of European-style iron fence to the beach, and I a more than 30 years of age, actually gay like a child. I think I was never been out of the South the subconscious is to her, though no longer of any significance. I simply want to, so from that period of life a little more recent. Now, my little Seiitsu middle-aged woman already, I can not imagine, petite and exquisite She becomes a woman look like after? We have been growing old. youth, when flying, is not think there will be today.
\It went into a Strangeness world. my soul, from a small cramped space from out of travel in the sky. I guess: people who can write this tome, this book can be translated people, when they write, is what kind of a mind? could be so persistent in exploring the soul and the fate of free people, is truly rich. they can afford luxury. the wisdom of their use of elegant, two words Mei human tragedy? Wat solid wine container supper served as acupuncture? spirit of the devil, Faust with the innocent in the walk. blindness of Faust ears to hear the magnificent voice of digging, he never know, from his feet to the horizon, roll nothing just desolate.
days slowly suffer. the water room to drip like blood vessels in human blood drops in a streamer. I have spent some there is no day and no night time.
guy next door two Tangshan understand my depression, often to inquire: Song Columbia have news? I noticed that I live in. But a few days, the two faces much as the slightly weathered feel. one evening, the big excitedly came to me suddenly, stopped me and said: CEOs, we made dinner, walk, eat together. I do not have the heart, quickly evading Road : Do you eat, I wait for the next go out to eat. young man without any explanation, pulling my left. small room, electric stove a pot of stew vegetables, thick meaty (...) to the corridor. I was surprised: how to improve it? small that stand up and cried by saying: CEOs, we got the money! we got the money! I am also pleased, busy asked: is there results yet? large: instead. is to do full three months, with the basic salary. I asked: How many? They replied: 400. I said: Yes, if no results have been, but also to drive? great look a little sadly, shook his head and said: No, another three months without results, we can leave. I heard, he hears is silence. They are not aware of my state of mind, very enthusiastically pulled me to sit down, Quan Zhao: come, please. more Hong ah ! this meal, (...) , I did not eat much, saying only that it still can have a meal. They have been giving me Jiarou. I am eating, edge a bit choked. them, this is to eat his own flesh ah, and I .. . I put down the chopsticks, not manage another mouthful.
body of the 23
in Xiao Song disappeared four days before I suddenly remembered, it should be with the Henan Laoyan say. Laoyan side is still open vehicle while answering a cell phone, he said: You my friend, that good contact with me, how shadows are touched friends. be anxious bad. I had to hide, said Xiao Song temporary home. Laoyan said: such things can not work , delay things finished. Two days ago a Taiwanese, promising a steak city projects, to talk about. Hey, people could not find! people said, and how such people also talk about cooperation, forget. I said: Forget it even the bar, even if you see me face naught once. people have the three disaster eight hard, no one around but the. Laoyan very alert: man, ye that depressed? not have difficulties? I said: What if there is no . Laoyan said: Although you and I are new acquaintance, but do not see things, is not short of money it? short on words, lend me assure you, it was a give away or lend. This city of Beijing, I have not met A pay back the money. I said: I do not lack, I am missing, you may not have. Laoyan laugh: you know, epoch-ah, my mind keep up with you. have to, someday Zan coffee Beijing Hotel it.
Xiao Song missed a chance, but I rejoice for him, Laoyan not cope. a rare gap in his big business also pay attention to this little thing. and evil we see more, has not that strange.'s little point kindness, but let us not dare to believe. I think, as long as there Laoyan of the heart, Xiao Song's success or failure is not a City to the gains and losses. Maybe he can break down the only one door, on Laoyan here.
I could not help think of the old black, heart pain. waiting for hiring echo, I took time went to Fangzhuang district. I want to see in the end is not what kind of promise, it is a return to the old black treachery. read it and very disappointed. there seems also a resettlement area, not a luxury. It appears that some years have been revised up, a little old house, not a clean lawn. I see: the old black not because can not afford the cost and reneged bragging, but simply do not want to honor this promise. even if it is a bungalow in the suburbs, he would not have money or for me in vain of. Today, a friend should be useful. However, the old black in the past, not the case when the age of .80, (...) , getting a small contribution fee, he must, and I still have the old white share. that share bliss joy to the heart can be pulled out. now, up in his name, said there are more than 200 million of assets, eat out two meals a day, every meal at least more than 200, but he will not be as old friends cut a piece of flesh down.
I'm not brooding on the. old black, cheese, let him keep his complacency it, he does not understand what it three years east of the river, three years of Hexi. he Perhaps that, wealth can be years, conscience worthless. But what he had, where would think that in our country, as well as which one to which households can rely on 50 years ago today, the wealth live in?
Fangzhuang I walk in the open road, the mood started getting better again. a situation, you can use another point of view. While I was there before The danger of no return. but in this I do not know There are several other long wait, I was completely transcended its people. I do not responsible to any person, I do not have any social status, I do not have to boss Chan Xiao, I do not have \I also can extravagant newspaper at the roadside, no pull unimpeded sun. I was free. This is the free ah. \The young and did not mention the favorite of scholars, you say free, it is not elsewhere, it is with me. I am heartily enjoy it.
I am only concerned about is the fate of Xiao Song and Lulu. This has a spring, and the sun is beautiful, apricot and pear opening sequence, just as hazy cloud to float on the wall. road no mind strange pedestrians, their faces are smiling. you two, now can see these do?
body of the 24
I clearly remember the day, it was not my turn in the fate of the day, but I still think that from that day onwards, I started there have been some changes. early spring in Beijing, skies are blue, it seems there is no dust. morning, I walked out of district, go to the embassy district buildings to the north of Jingdong interview. a bag down by the company's magazine, I want to see the company's boss.
Great Wall Sheraton Hotel under the car, over bridges, to Jingdong building only a few steps. I am on the bus all the way to play numerous times the word self-description of a plan. But when I walked into a sophist buildings, I knew , and the interview will not have any results. I totally to the wrong place. As a Russian proverb to say: elephant into a china shop. lobby, elevator, and out are two or three year-old white-collar elite. because of the daily nurturing environment, the whole demeanor is not like ordinary mortals. in the harsh business circles, over 35 basic is waste, and my other order of magnitude, and so was the grandfather, I am afraid only manage the Building the veterans will be similar to me.
upstairs in 20 layers. through several offices, I was brought into the General Manager's Office. the atmosphere of the room I am familiar with, beautiful, elegant, solid. boss is a young, gentle. He took my resume to find out, watching for a while, ask a few questions. For example, the ability to master the computer, it has distribution network, soliciting contributions ability, like any forward-looking considerations. I finished my reply, see his face the color a little disappointed. where appropriate, for a moment, he said: This magazine, in the past too much invested, and now staff can not be increased, and have to revived, comprehensive upgrade of its conditions, so the need for a cutting-edge, versatile style editor of. He paused, then said: Obviously, this work is not for you. I just have to say, but he said: I decided to ask you to interview, not because you resume on the conditions have been met, but did not meet our requirements too, so caught my interest. I think yesterday you to job search, there must be some of your grasp. I admire your courage, so thought As long as the conditions a little closer to us, I will consider your priorities. but ... I interrupted him, saying: I understand that I have is sitting in your position, but I do not have your tolerance. He smiled and said: You Do not be too disappointed, Beijing's opportunities. However, you let me realized some new things. I just want to got up to leave, he suddenly and very sincerely said: Let's say an aside, I am your age of people, not very understanding. my family, my colleagues and my teachers were in the past, have not you are this age. I sometimes wish Yeah, you do not know where to go this generation? I asked him: Look too \Road: Thank you, meet you, very pleased. He sent me to General Manager's Office, with the office of a fat lady whispered a few words, will say: Well, the old comrades, see you later, let us The Miss Yu sent send you. went to the elevator, I said Miss; girl, you hoped that would not sent. Miss Yu a friendly smile: I have to take you down, boss, I have to implement. down to the floor, I is tell her goodbye, Miss Yu has pointed his finger on the other side: the old gentleman, you come this way. She brought me a glass corridor, turned a corner, not like the way leading to the outside. I asked: Where are we going? Miss Yu said: boss, you go back to this array children, quasi-miss meals, let me work with you to eat meals, gone longer follow. I stopped. is less than some wonder: how wrong? I also think at this time, is ah, how you? my dignity do not want to go, my stomach very happy. Well, well, I go to move on.
which I had never seen before white dining hall, more than McDonald's has summoned up the courage, white-collar workers were lined up in turn passed the stage from the collar menu, select your desired vegetables and staple food and, finally, drink ---- milk, orange juice, cola, milk, can be optional, then special card swipe at the cash register, on the end of the account.
I brought a tray full of food sit down, have ended their own less than one sitting opposite me. I eat more ---- motion contradicts the basement soon after admitted to ...
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District sent a letter heading take care of yourself take care of our own people stand SMTH station, which neither fish nor fowl of some kind, only one thing we most clearly -------- helplessly mouth open, and we born in the exaggerated world. Eat a is also astonishing: our mouth really big. I sat north of the train, truck crowds jostling throng, farewell blessing and devotion to the exhortations keep coming into my ears. I look forward to under the car Ng Yau ------ her presence sometimes clear and sometimes fuzzy vision blind spot last fall ...... I do not know when I played on like himself, like the fantasy will happen in my side What the story. I would like them and the results, over and over again, endless cycle. so many things happened while I was the first time, but for me it is already the second time. This makes me since a teenager of the endless vicissitudes of life with a kind of feeling. until one day, that day is just outside. I remember that day very hot, college entrance examination results have not down to a Di'anmen I called a friend in the Ben it went. I got the bus south, I walked slowly, because I like to watch the busy crowd, and crowd the beautiful girls. not far in front, on the roadside, in the hot sun in I saw a beautiful girl, her white skin as "pretty much" as tempting ice cream. I know what I do. I cleared his throat and stepped forward. I stand at her side for a while "very hot today, ah," I said. girl side head smile at me, nodding her head. "you know how to go Di'anmen it?" "I am not this person, I do not clear. "" Then you go now? "I'm down development." You do not Taoci, and where to go I do not go to Tiananmen. "Then she laughed, it was kind of call people are embarrassed to smile, I feel a subtle elements in it. I have taken. that I come across a lot of nails, and now the girl has changed the essence of the. from the point of view of the world is material less what I did What she did not. can I still very group of fire, his mouth open and down I do not know what to say. She is the first of a call girl I have this feeling. I walked away, and heart severely to say: what did cattle. I did not go to my buddy that, under the People's Heroes Monument station for a long time. from across the country and abroad, the visitors had the white marble monument under the seat rails in the same as the steady stream of fish. I received a smile Visitors are handed to the camera to help them take pictures, they use the warm "thank you" to return to my little things. It would be me trying to figure out people like me how much the world in the end. and so I wandered the front door, the sky already dark, I drive home Ganjin Wang. passing the North map, I decided to not go home. North map-screen door gathering a lot of people, certainly there any good movies. I gave home Ben hung up the phone that went on. film is Feng mediated "experience of passion." tickets to sold out early. in front of people and others, half and half is such refund. My vision is about search, the last drop In the sitting far away on the steps of a girl's body, her skin white as "cute and more" ice cream. I saw her when she saw me. I hid in the crowd, a kind of thief by the police found that feeling. My eyes started to look for those who occasionally looked down at the table and face with anxious people. Finally, a young man finally looked at his watch, hands down into the trouser pocket. out of his ticket yet, I have stood His side had. "What you have more votes?" "has, ah, you want a few?" "one is enough, I can not account for the two seat ah a man." " ; it is ah, you'd want it? to you, I was just a one. "I handed him the money, how he should not. this time machine of his ring, he looked down, then another tickets are stuffed into my hand: you can one account for this time the two seat. I gone the other guy, they took out a ready to sell. "sold me." do not know when that beautiful girl was standing at my side. I am not willing to put in the hands of the hungry and gave her ticket (and I now wonder how I do no run on her a few, mainly because she was beautiful, I suppose ), "sent to you, since you quite want to see ...." I had white people say is in any case is given. "how do you know that I want to see?" "That you do Then why? "" ah, who I can, "I am a little angry," so that you keep it, to vote for me. "talking my hand. She laughed and ran sound. I ------ you're smiling, running what's the use? we is next to the. from the screening rooms out when I already know her name ---- Wu Yau. Wu easy, worry-free, there is a onomatopoeia "Well Yo\She: "Are you anemic?" "No, no, I do not film inside the woman, although I have white spots but I am healthy. you are not on the hope I am a little bit in what disease? because I call you touch a nail? "" Do not you want the bad people. Even if I have not quite angry to curse your sake. Besides, I generally favor is that you? "" ; or tell the truth instead. Anyway, I could not think of the good, on who can ill-wishers like you ah? back is you give you some money selling them that is not necessarily what ......"" , Take me, you have to treat me so cold but I still to warm to return, no matter how much heart is a summary of the fire, "I looked at her, her face is like a big degree of the Wise I admitted to my torrent of words, "It is true, right?" "Oh, you said you Tingda degree is it?" "No, my strengths more than that." " ; then how do I not see it? "" Of course, too short, a long time you know. "" Well, I have no money to go home. "" You see you look, insatiable not? "I pointed at her. She blushed, too, looked better. Later, she returned home. left me with her phone, and I gave her my. the next few days I always miss her. She has been to call but I am not in, I have been playing lots of phone calls to her, all her family and then say she does not ask who I am. I Luanxiang a name hung up the phone. scores down, I can last course, a few friends also have science, this very great pleasure of. That everyone gathered together, drink a case of seven and a half beer. only support the military did not fall, he spit the Tianhundian rickety, regardless of our toilet and kitchen one by one onto a sunny balcony. I lay there a very clear mind, feeling in a state of suspension, I repeatedly to convince his sober, but how also can not stand. At this time, support the military took away part of the phone to me, "people find you." "Who." "Certainly it is not your mother." I received by telephone, which came from the "Hey," the voice sounded very strange. "Hey, who find me ah?" "is me." "Who are you?" " virtue! "I heard out, is Wu Yau. I am very happy," how do you hit here? not see the capability you so much ah? not by order of the phone book one by one playing it? can have hundreds of thousands of yet. "" Your mother told me. "" What do you want? "" Nothing, just want to give you a 1. old could not find you. "" is to ask I eat it? do not be shy, (...) , I promise you, to speak, in what? "" Do you drink? "" drink bottles. "" You do not like the Mongolian ah? then good drink? drunk? "" No ah. I'd call holding five fingers and a beautiful girl in the chat, no, that is shame on flower closure, what beauties. "" Oh, That will leave more drink. drunk. "After a long while, she said:" My family told me to be careful with it. "" be careful what? careful who? who bullied you? "" you! you Santianliangtou give me a call. to you it was dangerous. "" What are you to call, "" Never mind, is to die today, tomorrow, my calling you . "Then she hung up. I took the ringing phone, made a busy tone will be spent, only then phones are turned off. I wish I could every day happy, and fell down asleep in the balcony, I lay on the wild looking at the land of the loss of your youth, you stand bare hill listening to my grunts transfer station to the four sources of Tsinghua sender, letter writing station district title take care of their day is my SMTH station and Wu Yau's first date, she chose the Yuyuantan. as we meet together to talk to. like to know like a long time. She said little more than I said, mostly in me and me some of the interesting . She listened very carefully and even a bit pious. This brings me to repair the SUN Jing grandfather stories to children. "I said, if you do not look at me, one, fixing it will I have a criminal sense." "Are you some sort of plot against me?" "No, no, at least not now." "That I am a little afraid of what you are trying?" she said, looked very serious. "you do not scare me ah, I am shy. "" wait! "she said. chatted chatted, she suddenly asked me:" What you thought about going abroad? "I'm surprised a moment, said:" First of all, I did not that capable, then I do not want. stay in the embrace of the motherland, what is wrong? have to eat a drink. Of course, I support other people out, if we had gone out, and we put the world to the unity of a. say that again, are gone, I'll keep this piece of base, waiting for those people out there who are anti-oppression people to come back. "Then I asked her:" Do you want to go ah? " She nodded. "careful ah," I said "Do not go back out with travel money have been cheated away." "You are not always so to speak ah?" "No, ah, Chat What, you have to talk more Why the excitement. we can not rely on the eyes to express it? "" I'd rather not say you one. "" Well, I like fish as silence. "In addition to talk, of course we also play, and so had enough of the bumper cars, video games and other rolling train, we climbed the cheek of children sliding down the slide again and again. We had a good time, http://www.excelwatch.com , many children play with us, their parents laugh at us. I guess if the little people, they will climb the play. then that is eating, when we ran out of his pocket the last penny, when we belly full of the sour plum , Hamburg, ice cream, when suddenly Yau Wu asked me: "how we go home?" We reached the bus station, I said: "Let's talk and the conductor, also line up." "My face was not so thick, I do not. "" Where is your home? "" Asian Games Village. "" You do not want me back you go back? "" You must stay away Why, do not think you have any great. "I am a little angry," Well, you wait here and see what kind of person can save you! you really do not last ah? cars have come. " change if she did not know me, not for me. I did not to her, got on. But, in the car the moment, I was down. "crazy\did not talk to me couple of hours. I suddenly remembered a friend in the four crossings. We are walking to go. I started a few jokes along the way Wu Yau has no smile, just listen to me kept looking at me Cezhuo Tou said. night fell, when passing the Diaoyutai State Guesthouse with a convoy of foreign guests to open from the inside out, front to clear the way to issue a harsh police car roaring around the back of the team from our passing, tail lights twinkling in the night , floating embossed convex. until I sent four crossing a taxi Ng Yau, she want this agreement, said: "The hate you." flashed across my mind was the first ----- bad idea that is. Later this became the basis for I have often been run. Miss Yau said: "You stupid? tell you to spend more time with me how it? you are not happy, ah ? Oh, thought you were very considerate of it. "I either crossed, or to use" Hey "and giggle to cover up their wrong. from which day, we at home on the high phone charges up made no down. parents see that I hold phone exultant look very surprised, and sometimes I think he is in love, though I quite boring but I do not want to trouble myself, I have seen my friends for some women children were promised and painful look, I do not want to become one. I had the determination to the next, but he took a call Yau all my morale collapsed. parents start to interfere with our contacts, but have been impregnable fortress to our block back. I think we unshakable. Ng Yau two years younger than me, but also participated in the entrance, and soon she and I have got the admission notice, news is that we all stay in Beijing, near the end in the summer time We have school, she read in the National People's Congress Foreign Language Department, live at the school; I read in the General Assembly of electronic radio, non-residential. we often meet, and chat. But, gradually, I have nothing to say to her, and sometimes I go her family or school looking for her, she is also busy with their own affairs, not very for me. Sometimes I see a pair of idle her look, frowning slightly hesitantly. This makes me feel a heartfelt of being left out of the uncomfortable. Once I went to her house looking for her, happened to her at home, a boy also, to help her clean up the balcony it. That boy just to introduce myself, said he called Li Hui, Wu Yau is students. We exchanged greetings with a few he went to help Miss Yau. Wu Yau worked when I did not intervene, I did not like her work, when to intervene. I went to the house casually flipped through the magazines on the table , no meaning, so I stood next to see if they work. terrace has been packed out a large open space, (...) , I jokingly said: "It's that way most places, and what can be kind of a la carte raising pigs The. is not it? "Wu Yau white at me, said:" Who, as you ah? lazy, this place is for you you know what? "" That good, and I also bring their own bedding with What? "She ignored me, look at the almost packed, the call came in rest of her classmates. Ng Yau Coke from the fridge to Li Office and me, his face showing a satisfactory smile, Lee Hui Wu Yau eyes tight with every movement, Wu Yau Fortunately for me still warm (I like her so that outsiders are always in front of my face) This makes Li look at my eyes interspersed with a trace of hostility. " ; You learn the radio? "he asked. I think it was Miss Yau told him, they nodded yes." science of course you close it? "" No, not at all. very easy, we often discussed in class the teacher of life. "Li answered my disapproval. The three of us to casually chat, In many, apart from the crowd. but talk to a human nature when I have a disagreement with their views. They that are positive, but my opinion is just the opposite of them. you say, for example, the creation of human beings is not positive it? "" That is because they are lazy, if love to walk, then dry to horses and vehicles Mani? "" Do you consider to be too extreme, and extreme left. "" You mean you want dialectical point of view, is it? "" Yes ah. "" spear and shield originally One is that the divided opposition. "" Your thinking is too extreme. What about you pursue what is it? "" I? only two full one down. "" how do you have this kind of thinking? "" I said, we do not always thinking of the sense of ah ah what. thinking that? thinking is an umbrella, only the sun when it rains too much and people will - open it to deal with wind and rain. Who would not take an umbrella when nothing hit the top of the head. "I casually say, and with a smile looking at Li. I saw Miss Yau 1, she was disappointed to see my eyes. We do not discuss what Li Hui will got up to leave shortly. I sitting there, eyes fixed on Miss Yau on the floor without saying anything. I hate this boring, got up and moved toward the door. Ng Yau suddenly got up and running to the door blocking my way. her eyes open for much of staring at me, I can not face her eyes. "how the? think I am not as you want it? disappointed? still feel that I gave you embarrassed about? "She was staring at me before, but suddenly, his mouth deflated deflated actually crying. I knew she would regret that I see. I also very sad that Later he was driven off the point, but I was really sad. I feel I should also modify it to read, and I intend to learn what good is that dry out or something. I do not want to call her so disappointed, because I find that I can not do without her. From that day on a week, I went home all late. I said to my mom went to the computer room on the plane but in fact I went to a friend's house playing video games and watch the video went. Ng Yau still often call me , is because I know she would call me that I was doing. I came home late in the day, a door to see Miss Yau, it is, and my mom talk. I returned to my room when she came in with, smile like a little girl looked at me like Lao Bantian. I know she is for my efforts and happy. we ate dinner, the dinner table my mother could not help her Jiacai, she behaved like a particular girl, do not say a word. My mother do not know how she was unreasonable in front of me. Anyway, (...) , I like the atmosphere of harmony. finished dinner I took her school, she smiled and said to me : "how old your mother praise you ah?" "My mother did not praise you less, right? tell me, what my mother said I?" "that a child be proud of your story, I saw 100 days of your pictures yet. "" That was my mother fancy you want to incorporate into your own people. is not I went to your house, so your mother can treat me? old stare stare at me like a thief. "" That depends on your performance. Do you like how thin the ah? "" Do not do, you have to praise you I have always said, I have nothing to be embarrassed . "" You? I had wanted to do. If you even if the old way. "" You see, you see, so can not stand the test. to come up with health care death dedication forget What. " "Your mouth can not shut it?" as we used to be the same. Ng Yau anxiously out of something I can do. Only I know how much hidden crisis here. Sometimes I have a little scared, but The days have been good, I am also reassured. I still be hungry to eat, sleep sleepy, like Miss Yau was to buy a bunch of good food to school looking for her. However, I would increasingly the less, I know what direction they are heading. That day I had a dream, dream a lot of people chasing me, I can not run your life to run until the time only to find themselves on another planet. I nothing around, I think I was suspended in the air, I watched the sweat I woke up in the body Bingning ..... I am one of cold sweat, shivering -------- I really afraid of the day ..... day by day over the past ....-- I looked at the land lying in wild loss of your youth, you stand on the bare hill listening to my grunts transfer to the four [[source SMTH station. sender, letter writing station district title take care of their own SMTH station I was fired because of absenteeism are too large to pass the final exam. I did not even make-up of qualifications. Renke The teacher said in class, no see me, so I put the college gave a long vacation. my mother started to cry and after that, Dad, this has brought out many old graduate professor, finds only look at me I look, shook his head. Since then I have one at home, very lonely. home telephone bills drop down, I was fired from that day, Miss Yau never been on the phone again. I had lots of calls to find her, but the person receiving not her. One time I think people who pick her, but I just, "Hey," a cry on the other side hung up. I think we finished. I often open a person facing a large room, formerly I like to read books and love doing things now I have not the heart. Later, the father suddenly told me to learn Russian, said master, give me find a good job to me. I can not always so at home idle Of course, at home I would have no right to speak. I really began to learn, in other words I strenuously up. Russian pronunciation, unlike English, it sounds when the tongue to keep playing Dulu, a word read more they have a few wooden tongue. I still often think Wu easy, I think she will have a new boyfriend, a new circle of life, and I for her an experience of life is probably right. can not she, I always feel like anything less. Two months later, I can be a simple dialogue. parents on my attitude gradually better. One day, my father went to check my English, then nodded satisfaction He said: "If you back That's all. Then he added:" Go for it, do not give up halfway. you do not want to go home farming, right? "My dad's hometown in the countryside, I knew he was Yueyibuer's. "You know, after the community did not tolerate the kind of people skills. sooner or later after you own your own feed." "When I was able to say that your points work? is not as a translation ah ? "" When you row I will tell you, you continue to learn it. "Then he put on the door let me continue to learn. the weather gradually heat up, my level of progress is Russian fast. Wu Yau came in my house for nearly six months until the time. Her beautiful than before, and I said, a look is the one outstanding girl. I politely let her into the house. of her the arrival of my first joy, but I could not say a kind of sad. I need her when she was gone. I Coke from the refrigerator out to her, she smiled at me, looks in the eyebrows of joy. I am puzzled by her sudden visit, but I could not guess her to aim. I always think of her smile there cunning elements. she was asking questions, I said very little. "how do you not Kwame I pretty? "She looked at me with a smile." very good looking. "" What is your truth? "" I said Wu Yau, boast a lot of your people. how do you insisted I listen to this one? You is not that the laity on the other to his face, talcum powder a good or bad? how do you change it? "" ah a man can change. Do not you changed? so deep! " ; I told her not used to this tone, anyway, we have been drawing near to it for some time. said: "Do not run me. Do you have anything on the straight talk." She did not answer my question was rambling to the school where I chatted her story, and she looked down at the watch from time to time, like waiting for a time bomb about to explode. I looked at his watch, the table pointer points to 17 o'clock, it is the only remind me of my parents are off work. soon, the corridor has opened various doors closed, the tap water rushing sound vegetables also pass over. parents has returned to her mother saw Miss Yau to warm hellos. I really do not understand, I was expelled from the few days she has nagging people do. "uncle well," Wu Yau saw the passion my father cried, and then followed my dad went to the study. I am puzzled. Within a short while, (...) , my dad called me. I stood in front of him and Miss Yau, Ng Yau still laughs at me. Suddenly my father spoke: "You ready to look at a few days to the examination, and then running a visa." visa?? my head bang, I want to go abroad? "You take me for labor to output right? "" much better than that. "" is to interpret for? I too much worse. "" You go and see. "I could not say a word . I did not think that there will have to leave this piece of twenty years of my life where, (...) , no, I do not want to go, though, many people ran out 削尖了脑袋 think, although I've heard many people from outside the industry off the ground locally made a financial return, I do not want to go out, (...) , I like it here. I want to excuse, but I saw my father that I know all eyes are superfluous to argue. my mind confused, so I can clear the problem considered , I concluded all this and Miss Yau has a close relationship. After dinner, I have an excuse to get out to Miss Yau also pulled out. the way I took her hand asked: "how do I to you? You try to turn me to sell? "" You? how do you still like this? "" how do I it? "" You lied to me. It would simply be playing you. also lied to me and family you go on the machine. You know I've heard how sad you were fired? I cried for days. "that she was sorry for me, it makes me feel blame smb. wrongly her. that they should not from whereabouts unknown ah? "I also quite sad, really. not just to dismiss the matter." "Come on you, I see you looking forward to one day do so. can rest assured to see a video and playing electronic game now. "This is also how she even know?" I did not idle, then at home to learn Russian. "I have to defend themselves with." It Well. so you go to Moscow to know that you are not really learn well. "" Where?! "thought is to go as a bad translation of what's what." CIS! that have more Hao of Mechanical Engineering, waiting to accept you. went to that, you have to re-tutorial-month Russian. "" news, said that quite a mess, when the shooting occurred there. "" Yo. When you saw things dodging go? that the environment is right for you, say he will give you is to go to college, nor call you engage in a coup. "" This is your idea, right? "" I is not to Hello, you're not serious one back? you not stupid. "I have a little attempt to understand her, I looked at her: white skin, small size of the figure, big beautiful eyes, where there will be large group of people followed her. I do not know that I was not really so lucky. she really is? I do not know what my future looks like, and she does, I even hard to tell. Maybe I started wrong. I do not know. " ; Wu easy, I can do something else, the computer matter, accounting matter, we do not go that long journey it? "" No! "" I always have the right to choose the right? "" You times not. "" I really do not .... want ... to ..... "I muttered said the." you?! "her large eyes wide open, glared at me. a very long pause, "When physical?" I said. that night she was very happy to me is obedience, in a word ---- extraordinary tenderness. Several times I She had to drag around a closer look is not the right man .-- I looked at the land lying in wild loss of your youth, you stand on the bare hill listening to my snoring sound transmitted to the Quartet [ [Source SMTH station. sender, letter writing station district title take care of their visa and medical SMTH station very well, and now very few people go there to study, mostly to when the international profiteers of. really not my surprisingly, all this collusion of her father Ng Yau and my dad did it. She learned that her father, an old classmate to introduce some people to CIS to study to choose the first one took me on the. I think the original She could play happily with others when she was still thinking of me, I quite moving. and I accompanied by dozens of students of similar age, we are all at their own expense of. branch of the military heard of this issue is I have several times. He said that Miss Yau very powerful, that I was fired home after my buddy turned over and over and have mastered my first-hand information. "powerful enough you ah. how about them? also teach taught me, in time I find a way out of. "Then he said there was very poor, that if the instant noodles with a wagon to the quasi-energy for tanks to come back. Ng Yau's father also told me to study hard, do not give him shame that his old classmates. I nodded yes. I still have space is to learn Russian. I find that I really changed, but these changes is to help my Wu Yau. these days after class to accompany Wu Yau me, in addition to reading with me also to accompany me to go shopping. Her heart was fine, even nail clippers have to buy 2 but also to choose one. I said I went to another is not a refugee camp in Africa, but she still to his head in the selection. I think I fell in love with her, and I more and more reluctant to go. "Wu easy, I went to that would be like you. wrote to you to hurry up and give me back ah . "" What You Do not I forgot I was thankful. I 倒是 afraid you miss my letter back. "" Which will it? not. no. you then chase you Trinidad and Tobago people, right? "" You think as you all like? so thick skinned? in the street and people began almost Minato? "" That certainly will not. but will first ask you for coffee or a jump what dance first train of atmosphere, and then start with the easier. "" how do you not invite me to drink coffee, dance or something? always get my own door? "she said with a smile, still head down to my pack. I Meici Er, (...) , and feel a bit lost, not only because speechless. I was standing behind her watched her life that she carefully selected items into the boxes. She saw that I did not sound, turn around and looked at me calmly, "you will not be a good school to come back early." she said, blushing. I slowly pulled her in his arms, do not know why, My nose is sour. so I think there is something in all of this time, already sitting in the train. parting and ultimately, when father and mother told me your body, learn. Then we took the time left . We just looked at each other, I'd really want to see her pull it out in the eyes. "my wallet a photo of you, you where we put the other pictures?" "in the the biggest little bag right side of the box. "" I have not been compared according to how, looking back I look like you even forgot. "" Look. "She took out from his pocket a photo, I saw that I was born 100 days of black and white photos, nothing on. "I think so you are ah?" I said. She smiled and said nothing. car quick, and I do the windows opened in the seat. I held her soft little hands could not bear to let go. car. Her and my parents to step back, shaking hands with me. Mom told me your body or in the However, a sudden cry. Yau Wu has a kind of glittering eyes at the flashing light. me wrong the wave, could not help my parents said "Take it easy." Suddenly, I feel there is nothing wrong, and careful feeling a moment the train to the Nankai know it. "Ng Yau, how the car going south ah? not north of it?" Wu Yau standing far away, her smile is still so charming, I do not know that she heard no . Do not worry ah, I still modify it, hehe hehe) - I looked at the land lying in wild loss of your youth, you stand on the bare hill listening to the grunt of my transfer to the four [[source * Tsinghua station. sender, letter writing station district title take care of their own SMTH station when I Miss Yau's hand once again to seize the time, how can I refuse to let go. I like a lot of things to say, but in addition to Ng Yau quietly watched, I could not say anything. I felt her hand caressing my face, and her eyes were tightly fixed on me, and mouth exposed satisfied smile. "Ng Yau, this that you and your boyfriend we say it? not give us a little? "just laugh at me that Aunt speak. Ng Yau back, blushing smiled." You see how he allocated on thee, or married into our family, my cousin may be spirits. "Wu Yau face more red, or laugh. Then take the same ward who are happy I am. I can not argue, only to follow Wu Yau laugh yourself silly. After lunch, Miss Yau to sleep for a while, I looked at her sleeping face, I stroke her hair scattered on my pillow, do not know why I have a feeling like crying. Fortunately, Wu Yau awake She wrapped himself up with a blanket, except the head sticking out, big eyes and a blinking at me, called my mind on the road for the first time I saw her when. "awake?" ; "woke up long time." "What water? or eat pineapple." "I want to go swimming." "Hello so I go with you." "Swimming You can not, then I 想出去走走. "" too hot outside, and to be What will go out ....
living in Hainan last year and a half, I thought of the conflict and to consider the meaning of life, much more complex than the above. In the nineties, inspired by humanism to give up business position, willing to take the risk of poor life into culture, and not rare. but I know that is extremely rare, and can not be understood by man.
when I left, totally low-key. boss no further stay, nor I left the company announced that, everything is just a long bad trip like. I have kept my promise, my deposits transferred to the Finance Department, as my temporary loan company money. until the last day of the temporary work , the staff are also frequently consult the work to me. yes ah, many years I have is the soul of the company, is the machine spindle, all one can imagine, not me, how to run the office. Last night, I sat villa balcony, listening to the note of banana leaves rustle in the dark sounds, for a long time can not sleep.
next morning, I just told the driver to take me, his simple and honest man of few words with me for many years, this times seems to have realized what was depressed along the way. at the airport, checked luggage finished, I told him unless he asked: What back? I said: can not say the. He paused and finally asked one: vice president What you do not you? I suddenly some sad, and shook his hand: brother, back to it!
determined with near-tragic situation must, I flew to Beijing. I know that this time is a purification families, and future are more unpredictable Department. I have all the wealth, the only general hot fire heart a humanist faith.
but never expected that I was in Beijing less than a month, it plunged into despair . not to mention achieving the ideal of humanism, even accommodating my every inch of land is very difficult to sustain found.
here need to introduce my two friends in Beijing, the old black and white and old. They are my 80 years know that time is similar to the literature with young people. I am in Shenzhen in the south before the trial has been way to Beijing with the two because of the close. The two men could be said to be \At that time we have had some trouble, trying to use literature for meals. we were still alive to the great poet Ai unparalleled, Feng Duxiu have had the creative career seminars, also paid respects to endure over the door leading adult magazine editor. I am the south after contact with them has never been off. I like a duck in Hainan, they are still floating in Beijing desperately, to stick to the Capital of Culture kicked the door. both in the old black and I go closer to each time to go to Beijing on business, they would want to see him, and try their best to provide him with what I know to make a living with the cultural clues. to the late nineties, the situation has changed, the two suddenly erupted. old black registered a company, playing a number of asset restructuring, the Hebei were dying a death of state assets to be put under the name of the old mine, which have become a billionaire boss. old white newspaper pages from the contract start, and then do the book, bought television advertising time, gains a lot on, as if also a little rich.
before I decided to go to Beijing, they would have several times on the phone asked me to go to this grand plan. then we are staying in the unit filed a single dorm room, through the night with bed and talk about past events, are numerous boo sob. the old White said: You come, I just contracted for a cultural magazine, you come when the editor, we engaged him a China Times. Old Black wrote: You should have years, mixed in the south of what I here, though not much money, including room and board under the buddy is not a problem child. you and me who and who? Tomorrow I go to Fangzhuang district, you rent a house along the piano, nothing you play the piano it. old old black and white commitment to two things, I repeated to verify the phone with them, until I think that even if 50 percent of the water inside, the situation will not have too bad, I was under the last determination.
I was under the actual bet is too risky. I totally underestimated one steeped in Beijing for many years, the legacy of the degree of contamination of the Eight Banners. a camel is not that cow, mouth running train, that is, this most image view. Second, completely underestimated the transformation of business ethics of the people, any one of them, are no longer quite the year's literary youth of the blood spirit. actually happened to me brings stabbing biting, to Today, too many are reluctant to mention. brief is: old white down Time magazine has not even talk, and even on down, he also only a small share, not about the right personnel. I went to Beijing from date, have not seen this magazine editorial door looks like. Old Black took a very strange, I received an Award to hotels, said: This boss is Zan buddy child, you lived before, I have paid Housing half the money gone you let him find me. Fangzhuang of that house, hey, I have a problem with this two-day turnaround, you stretch a while first child. and then two on no trace of the. old White said he is stepping \.
body of the 19
I started not aware of the potential crisis, even though I may be 10,000 kinds of pre-conceived, will never think of a situation. the first few days, I coasted Tour Zai to visit family worship around friends, sometimes to return visit, take a look at 80 years old and lived place. Ten years on, people have changed the feeling is very strong. more deeply impressed me is that my article beginning of the children referred to the sister who, she called Pantene. then just a fledgling newspaper reporter, came to Oxford to Akira the flash, after returning home and began a good business, where specialized training CEO. now has been quite well-known, Even if a large group of veterans in front of her, but also with an open mind Lingjiao. Pantene early years is cooling off Xiu appearance of a female student, now has become very capable and adroit business seems to have her finger. She is now all in the year ahead, a wife and mother, luxury villa, under the set of home, opened his BMW car, most of our time lucky person. Pantene one day invited me to dinner, and brought to renew old friendships during which she had a word I have forget. is my first courtesy of the sentence: now you are busy people. Pantene, saying softly: No, have to socialize after work. are international business are not always bad. I asked: Events a lot? She shook her head: General, I will not go. wants more people contact me, I said to them, not open-Benz, do not come to me. I could not help Yizheng, Pantene laughed and said: You, of course different, we always have a common language and literature I would like to chat with you. I cried: Pantene, ah, we are two classes of people. Pantene said: What class? I do not think so. not Mercedes, does not in a grade, children can not talk. about the purpose of my visit, Pantene envy: its cultural, writing, and more good! I still can not stop, but I am doing now are rest assured for the future writing. I said: OK, but not much writing the material basis should ah. Pantene slightly then said: O man, and it's stuck atop, I can not imagine how live by more than one thousand dollars. bid farewell to the Pantene, I thinking, in our era, like her lucky man to have the number?
my hotel window in Yongdingmen countless number of trains, to the old Bust numerous telephone calls. answer is always: again waiting waiting, fast friends. old black like an old mine in Hebei did not always back off when the phone open, not easy to contact. One day I came back from the outside, called the waiter opened the door. attendants said that you expired early this room, we veterans say , not his words, can not open the door. I hit the hotel boss's cell phone, asked him: What do you mean? thrust me to go? thrust I have to let me come up with something, come here. Hotel bosses said: did not mean it. Old Black only paid 10 days of house money, this person will not show up, how's going on ah? my hotel is turned over to the profit target, a long time and I can not stand, you still Cuicui it. doors will open soon can morrow, how do? I gave the old black phone, cell phone off. to call the old white, old white said: how do the old black this thing, and so I told him he came back bumper, you re-Ren Ren . I hung up the machine, see themselves as falling into a trap. two friends, who will not have the status I was responsible. but I can not understand, being the case, why did warmly invited me to come? Do not speak is through the brain? or they simply want me to see them in today's fortune, even if finished?
That night I thought a lot, if Hainan boss always ears: You're crazy, friends, you can reliable ? Yes ah, my disposable business people and writers, is such an end, the problem lie?
next morning, I went Yongding Gate Bridge, looking at the work of the car and the passenger, finally understand: in this one million people in the city, I have been abandoned, no one can help me again. I gave up the company, actually gave up my fight to survive in a seat. It is not about morality, just a fact of life. Now, My feet no longer have that piece of solid land. I am standing on the sand, the sand at any time should I swallowed, can save me, only my own, only my will and seven feet of the footer. on the culture the worship, because I mixed a long time in the business generated an illusion. culture is not so good is one thing, but like me, ignore the question of survival, the future on top of their faith in the so-called friendship is the inexcusable naive.
body 20 and Pantene
when I chat, the number of laid-back attitude also with something. A few days later, I truly see their situation, know their naked to withstand wind and rain filled the air. desperate to draw in my heart a kind of primitive to survive. In the Yongding Gate Bridge, I knew I was a huge urban social rejection by the people, must make a decision within one day, I how to do?
when after all the thing of the past, when I describe here all the time quietly, may be cool-headed analysis, I had the choice of which gains and losses. But among the living in cyclone, each step or health, or death, how can a person fully rational thinking? everything under the original conditions, I can almost rely on instinct in action.
, of course, can also say that I was not yet in Miao no trace of the island. I can tell the truth to the boss, go back to the old place. I can also help to Pantene, first get a breathing space. may seem today, these two approaches is the wise, But at the time I just would not do it. to self-esteem, and to respect others. I of course became a loser overnight, but I will not give leave a capricious boss villain image. I know, I am deeply deeply hurt his heart, I suffered bad luck is my punishment. on the Pantene, to be more complex. Over the years, we respect each other. I always feel that she to me, more like a mature The Linjiaxiaomei, a long-lost high school old friends. a kind of mutual trust with no impurity to our hearts Yuntie. circle around her disdain for some of her great, but I kept the spirit of equality. I treasure the This transcends the utilitarian friendship. I was simply not thought of her hand to borrow money, or anything attached to her and make a fortune playing the idea. The reason why, in addition to self-esteem than, then I think the most important is perhaps to In such a pure heart to keep it.
this way, I began to experience the kind of the beginning of this article. handlebar from Andingmen play underground stuff shipped to Song Yuli, I counted the money in your pocket, only one more than 1000 a little. Hainan phone card costs caused by running out soon, I stopped the phone. From that day on, the familiar people who have can not find me.
I have only one remaining idea: to find a job. time is after the Spring Festival, is not a good time for job seekers. I stay in Beijing, this time as two months, because I rely on this money can only be maintained until late April. In If within two months of nothing, then it can only bow to fate, do what you want to do something.
the first time I feel that the fate of the opportunity given to how the poor less. This world is always the rich richer the poor get poorer. \print, to buy newspapers to find information Necessary to Play telephones employing unit required to ask. these things in the past in the company, I was simply not in the concept of money. Today, that is, spending so little, let me cut out the same pain as the heart. I can only maintain a surface calm, all the time inside the heart badly. looking at the basement of the gray crowd, I think, I'm only a few days of this life, and those who man, put the years so get over it. What is it that keeps them able to live a normal life as such a non-normal day has come? that there is no hope in life you can be in life?
exhausted to run A few days later, I quickly realized the grim situation: the people my age are being expelled from the social mainstream in batches. there is no perfect degree, no computer skills, there is no good three-year-old age, like in the triumph commercial society to find a place even the most humble, but also dream. I've been to several magazines, has written a number of books handed to the planning, some smart or stupid I received the office of director. I see is amazing and compassion. look around the office that the magazine dark and broken tables and chairs, I could not help think of my company in Hainan, the situation is absurd that holds many lessons: I was left to the dignity of the spirit of Hainan, but why go far away This run-down look at where people face? what is the natural reason to bear this humiliation? Is someone forcing you I do less? \Now who could come to help me get rid of the plight of the basic survival? I like the shrimp Lu Xun said, was thrown into the boiling water, the outcome was only being burnt to death alive.
back of the President, you made me do not light ! you can now move about Death-year-old, so that the words of some anger is not have to pay a price. who in good faith if you just listen to the appeal, leaving the \your masterpiece, now help me What is it? reality more convincing than a stack of programs, I am not unable to endure the hardships of the environment, I can not stand is that this helpless cold!
body of 21
it ran off more than a week later, I realized that, run down would be futile. is nothing more than to see a few more cold face, put up several times more impatient looks of contempt. day back from Panjiayuan station Under the car, walked back to Song Yuli's Road, but only two kilometers, (...) , it was a long hard road asphalt was no end. If the day be back in warm home, no matter how complicated it may play a rush would vanish. However, the I can only cold cells to hell. sunny outside, but you can not find a resting place. basement can settle your body, but the four-block wall with no window of hope for all separated in the outside.
week later, I finally stopped running, from a state of pique calm down. I ran a careful analysis of the several places, reached a conclusion: If I can be universally appreciated , then run 10 units and 100 units run effect is the same. If I really become a 100 without a use of scrap, I just ran up the 100 units are useless. I ran across a few places, is selected, the greatest likelihood of success. but can be hired, it is too variable, even, even those in charge can be good or bad mood that day decide my fate. \Liza Wang's Cantonese pop songs have been sung for over ten years, and today, I think it is the truth of the millennium is not easy.
all of the places did not refuse me, also no response. I told the Lu flowers, all my phone must immediately call me, I will not, we will certainly have to consult each other is. However, in Beijing, this huge deep pools, as a result of my up and it will never be a ripple. I gradually calmed down, as the sentence was later of death. a strange peace from the bottom of my heart float. Every day, I do not expect that will not know where to call the help number. this huge city, you will, this evening, scroll bar, noisy bar! I, a tired and aging of the outsiders, creeping in your underground, is slowly eroded, until death.
I think, dead, and indeed it is the case. the dying man, but also than that more desperate or more pain? a refined person said that big break in life, there is little rest, death is the big break. my life too much time to run, and today had a good rest. noon warm spring sunshine in the quiet little street in Song Yuli, I walked slowly on the sidewalk, looked at from the side hurried primary and secondary students. life is just blooming in their possession, they do not think of a few decades, will have the same fate befall them on the senescence of the body. they go forward with great interest the world is in front of them. I lag behind them, I have depleted http://www.4uaf.com , the world is a very distant past behind me. all longing and joy, turned into the dust away.
front of a shopping mall. next to a small Xinhua Bookstore. I walk go. bookshelves, a row of hard copy of foreign literary works. My hand slowly stroked their smooth spine. a title of a kind familiar to jump into the eyes. They are old friends, old acquaintances of my spirit. my heart with their hellos: Hey, you okay? my hand stopped at the Goethe's \rush the line, missed some good scenery. us forward, so far fruitless, but you will never miss such a good picture can not reproduce. Now I can rest, I have to do is always too late to do that. I draw \To look at, Dr. Faust who childlike soul mortgaged to what kind of Meifeisite?
back to residential yard, sat down on the stone bench, knees stood thick and heavy The \go. how many years ago, I had such a life, who have had such a carefree laugh. when the sun is so bright? A distant pre-school children never ran beside her grandmother, sitting next to me , along with the unique hand holding a color pictures books. She very carefully read in over and over again: \long time, I heard the little girl asked me in on: \read it, read it. \head: \wait \I am longing for that day come early, they want it to slow down the arrival of the best. This ambivalence, I can not clear. supporting me through it, I will do two things every day: see \\now considered to be 36 years old. She married a man, gave birth to a son, still a \she gave me the same feeling. She told Seiitsu, I think, now matter if the public speak out. the name, I sometimes utterly still call it the night in the heart. when we are together, I gave her photo a lot of photos, leaving her the most beautiful moment. in my bed framed trimmed, is the year in Shenzhen Bay, a small lawn under license. tropical afternoon sun, palm trees, Seiitsu hair and smile now seem to be a picture of heaven. when we hand in hand along a row of European-style iron fence to the beach, and I a more than 30 years of age, actually gay like a child. I think I was never been out of the South the subconscious is to her, though no longer of any significance. I simply want to, so from that period of life a little more recent. Now, my little Seiitsu middle-aged woman already, I can not imagine, petite and exquisite She becomes a woman look like after? We have been growing old. youth, when flying, is not think there will be today.
\It went into a Strangeness world. my soul, from a small cramped space from out of travel in the sky. I guess: people who can write this tome, this book can be translated people, when they write, is what kind of a mind? could be so persistent in exploring the soul and the fate of free people, is truly rich. they can afford luxury. the wisdom of their use of elegant, two words Mei human tragedy? Wat solid wine container supper served as acupuncture? spirit of the devil, Faust with the innocent in the walk. blindness of Faust ears to hear the magnificent voice of digging, he never know, from his feet to the horizon, roll nothing just desolate.
days slowly suffer. the water room to drip like blood vessels in human blood drops in a streamer. I have spent some there is no day and no night time.
guy next door two Tangshan understand my depression, often to inquire: Song Columbia have news? I noticed that I live in. But a few days, the two faces much as the slightly weathered feel. one evening, the big excitedly came to me suddenly, stopped me and said: CEOs, we made dinner, walk, eat together. I do not have the heart, quickly evading Road : Do you eat, I wait for the next go out to eat. young man without any explanation, pulling my left. small room, electric stove a pot of stew vegetables, thick meaty (...) to the corridor. I was surprised: how to improve it? small that stand up and cried by saying: CEOs, we got the money! we got the money! I am also pleased, busy asked: is there results yet? large: instead. is to do full three months, with the basic salary. I asked: How many? They replied: 400. I said: Yes, if no results have been, but also to drive? great look a little sadly, shook his head and said: No, another three months without results, we can leave. I heard, he hears is silence. They are not aware of my state of mind, very enthusiastically pulled me to sit down, Quan Zhao: come, please. more Hong ah ! this meal, (...) , I did not eat much, saying only that it still can have a meal. They have been giving me Jiarou. I am eating, edge a bit choked. them, this is to eat his own flesh ah, and I .. . I put down the chopsticks, not manage another mouthful.
body of the 23
in Xiao Song disappeared four days before I suddenly remembered, it should be with the Henan Laoyan say. Laoyan side is still open vehicle while answering a cell phone, he said: You my friend, that good contact with me, how shadows are touched friends. be anxious bad. I had to hide, said Xiao Song temporary home. Laoyan said: such things can not work , delay things finished. Two days ago a Taiwanese, promising a steak city projects, to talk about. Hey, people could not find! people said, and how such people also talk about cooperation, forget. I said: Forget it even the bar, even if you see me face naught once. people have the three disaster eight hard, no one around but the. Laoyan very alert: man, ye that depressed? not have difficulties? I said: What if there is no . Laoyan said: Although you and I are new acquaintance, but do not see things, is not short of money it? short on words, lend me assure you, it was a give away or lend. This city of Beijing, I have not met A pay back the money. I said: I do not lack, I am missing, you may not have. Laoyan laugh: you know, epoch-ah, my mind keep up with you. have to, someday Zan coffee Beijing Hotel it.
Xiao Song missed a chance, but I rejoice for him, Laoyan not cope. a rare gap in his big business also pay attention to this little thing. and evil we see more, has not that strange.'s little point kindness, but let us not dare to believe. I think, as long as there Laoyan of the heart, Xiao Song's success or failure is not a City to the gains and losses. Maybe he can break down the only one door, on Laoyan here.
I could not help think of the old black, heart pain. waiting for hiring echo, I took time went to Fangzhuang district. I want to see in the end is not what kind of promise, it is a return to the old black treachery. read it and very disappointed. there seems also a resettlement area, not a luxury. It appears that some years have been revised up, a little old house, not a clean lawn. I see: the old black not because can not afford the cost and reneged bragging, but simply do not want to honor this promise. even if it is a bungalow in the suburbs, he would not have money or for me in vain of. Today, a friend should be useful. However, the old black in the past, not the case when the age of .80, (...) , getting a small contribution fee, he must, and I still have the old white share. that share bliss joy to the heart can be pulled out. now, up in his name, said there are more than 200 million of assets, eat out two meals a day, every meal at least more than 200, but he will not be as old friends cut a piece of flesh down.
I'm not brooding on the. old black, cheese, let him keep his complacency it, he does not understand what it three years east of the river, three years of Hexi. he Perhaps that, wealth can be years, conscience worthless. But what he had, where would think that in our country, as well as which one to which households can rely on 50 years ago today, the wealth live in?
Fangzhuang I walk in the open road, the mood started getting better again. a situation, you can use another point of view. While I was there before The danger of no return. but in this I do not know There are several other long wait, I was completely transcended its people. I do not responsible to any person, I do not have any social status, I do not have to boss Chan Xiao, I do not have \I also can extravagant newspaper at the roadside, no pull unimpeded sun. I was free. This is the free ah. \The young and did not mention the favorite of scholars, you say free, it is not elsewhere, it is with me. I am heartily enjoy it.
I am only concerned about is the fate of Xiao Song and Lulu. This has a spring, and the sun is beautiful, apricot and pear opening sequence, just as hazy cloud to float on the wall. road no mind strange pedestrians, their faces are smiling. you two, now can see these do?
body of the 24
I clearly remember the day, it was not my turn in the fate of the day, but I still think that from that day onwards, I started there have been some changes. early spring in Beijing, skies are blue, it seems there is no dust. morning, I walked out of district, go to the embassy district buildings to the north of Jingdong interview. a bag down by the company's magazine, I want to see the company's boss.
Great Wall Sheraton Hotel under the car, over bridges, to Jingdong building only a few steps. I am on the bus all the way to play numerous times the word self-description of a plan. But when I walked into a sophist buildings, I knew , and the interview will not have any results. I totally to the wrong place. As a Russian proverb to say: elephant into a china shop. lobby, elevator, and out are two or three year-old white-collar elite. because of the daily nurturing environment, the whole demeanor is not like ordinary mortals. in the harsh business circles, over 35 basic is waste, and my other order of magnitude, and so was the grandfather, I am afraid only manage the Building the veterans will be similar to me.
upstairs in 20 layers. through several offices, I was brought into the General Manager's Office. the atmosphere of the room I am familiar with, beautiful, elegant, solid. boss is a young, gentle. He took my resume to find out, watching for a while, ask a few questions. For example, the ability to master the computer, it has distribution network, soliciting contributions ability, like any forward-looking considerations. I finished my reply, see his face the color a little disappointed. where appropriate, for a moment, he said: This magazine, in the past too much invested, and now staff can not be increased, and have to revived, comprehensive upgrade of its conditions, so the need for a cutting-edge, versatile style editor of. He paused, then said: Obviously, this work is not for you. I just have to say, but he said: I decided to ask you to interview, not because you resume on the conditions have been met, but did not meet our requirements too, so caught my interest. I think yesterday you to job search, there must be some of your grasp. I admire your courage, so thought As long as the conditions a little closer to us, I will consider your priorities. but ... I interrupted him, saying: I understand that I have is sitting in your position, but I do not have your tolerance. He smiled and said: You Do not be too disappointed, Beijing's opportunities. However, you let me realized some new things. I just want to got up to leave, he suddenly and very sincerely said: Let's say an aside, I am your age of people, not very understanding. my family, my colleagues and my teachers were in the past, have not you are this age. I sometimes wish Yeah, you do not know where to go this generation? I asked him: Look too \Road: Thank you, meet you, very pleased. He sent me to General Manager's Office, with the office of a fat lady whispered a few words, will say: Well, the old comrades, see you later, let us The Miss Yu sent send you. went to the elevator, I said Miss; girl, you hoped that would not sent. Miss Yu a friendly smile: I have to take you down, boss, I have to implement. down to the floor, I is tell her goodbye, Miss Yu has pointed his finger on the other side: the old gentleman, you come this way. She brought me a glass corridor, turned a corner, not like the way leading to the outside. I asked: Where are we going? Miss Yu said: boss, you go back to this array children, quasi-miss meals, let me work with you to eat meals, gone longer follow. I stopped. is less than some wonder: how wrong? I also think at this time, is ah, how you? my dignity do not want to go, my stomach very happy. Well, well, I go to move on.
which I had never seen before white dining hall, more than McDonald's has summoned up the courage, white-collar workers were lined up in turn passed the stage from the collar menu, select your desired vegetables and staple food and, finally, drink ---- milk, orange juice, cola, milk, can be optional, then special card swipe at the cash register, on the end of the account.
I brought a tray full of food sit down, have ended their own less than one sitting opposite me. I eat more ---- motion contradicts the basement soon after admitted to ...
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